so that wasnt chicken after all
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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