Soap is not a condiment
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
