We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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