take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize