is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
