Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
