dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
