cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
