Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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