So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
