the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
false alarm, still single
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