Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
