she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
