and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
