New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
