I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
