An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
