Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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