you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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