She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
