You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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