your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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