my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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