Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Michael Bay diarrhea
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
