Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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