But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
