Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize