You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
These tits shall not be calmed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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