I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
