I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
