I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
