One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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