you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
