There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
