Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
