my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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