honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
