when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
