whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
