Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
