I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
