Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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