Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
