i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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