I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
do nipples grow back?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
