I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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