Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
too bad you live with your parents still
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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