somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she looked like the before picture.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
