do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
