Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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