i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
