Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
