Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
