The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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