R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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