Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
