Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
