I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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