so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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