I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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