My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
