Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
