Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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