At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
