I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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