3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
