Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
