He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize