You really coming over, don't trick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
