you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
