As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
