There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
