I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
