Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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