1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
