o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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