so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
