Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
