You just made me feel so damn special
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver just had a heart attack.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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