so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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