she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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