I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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