i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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