that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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