i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
