Small penises have feelings too.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
