well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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