I skipped work to stalk him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
