I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
