There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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