Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
