And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
